Once upon a time in Osaka…
i can’t take this anymore. i’m tired.
you said you’ll come through. you said i am not being difficult nor was it hard for you to make an effort. i swallow every bit of your anger each time you have a bad day at work. i brush off every hurtful gesture that u hurl at me because i want this to work and i was trying to understand you better.
Indeed you are a difficult person to love. But I have seen, felt, touched and even tasted your love. You are capable of being loved and loving back. It’s just that you choose not to of late. You have successfully reassured me that things between us are not going to work out anymore. If you are going after this, you have done a good job because you have made me a firm believer.
It’s hard to sleep at night when all i think is how a person who has managed to sweep me off my feet and has been so sweet and caring towards me suddenly turned 180 on his actions and words.
“I must’ve done something wrong”… that is what i whisper to myself every night since all of this started.
I thought good things will come to those who wait and are patient about it. But I guess the good things are not meant for me this time cause I don’t have the patience for it anymore. Like I said, I can only take so much of this.
You have your mess and i have mine. Maybe the baggages that we’ve been carrying are a bit too much to be shared.
i can’t be holding on to something that i know will only hurt me further.
So my love, please take care of yourself out there. I know you can because you have always been on your own. I hope you will find what you want and i wish you nothing but the best.
But for what it’s worth my dear, i love you. And what is really worse, I really do.
“Then the fire fades away,
But most of everyday is full of tired excuses,
But it’s too hard to say,
I wish it was simple but we give up easily,
You’re close enough to see that…
You’re the other side of the world…to me.”
It’s a terrible feeling when your significant other starts to shut down and refuse to share his thoughts like the usual.
Since we are still new, I’ve decided to give you as much as space you want. so much space that i hope it won’t push me away.
my friends who have been there from the very beginning, i would like to give you a big hug. that is because without your patience and advice… i might have gone a tad crazy.
i am worried about a lot of things. i may think too much. i need reassurance. if you can’t give me that… i am sure slowly there will be signs showing me that.
signs. i need signs.
or maybe i need to know how to read the signs.
but out of this whole crazy/beautiful mess i’m in, i’m glad dad is here to advice me. the way he accepts it made me feel blessed to have a father like him. and there i was thinking he would have be against if i told him what is really going on in this head & heart of mine.
i shall sleep and… no, i won’t be replying to your messages. sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.
therefore, i bid good night to you sunshine.
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